


Sight

by grenburr



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Other, did you know that i have depression?, emet needs to Move tf On, experimental angst, nb hrothgar wol, unrequited feelings but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:31:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grenburr/pseuds/grenburr
Summary: "Why must we needs be at odds like this, my love?" His voice echoed softly. "Do you not yearn for a world restored?"





	Sight

**Author's Note:**

> nonbinary hrothgar wol sowwyyy, I love trans hrothgars SO their name is vojin and they use they/them thanx. really experimental! based on my own headcanons that will never see the light of day hehe

Despite the scars lining their face, the massive fangs the Hrothgar displayed at any point where they felt scared, harmed or threatened, Vojin's expression was soft instead.  
  
It was a familiar moment to him, from long ago.  
  
Being hurt, being scared, being betrayed, he saw it all in Vojin— scoffing at it, really, a person broken thirteen times over couldn't _truly_ experience what pain felt like, maybe in fractions at the very most. Facing the most severe and dreadful challenges in life and finding the strength to relax and pretend there is naught else in the world, finding the strength to simply be, in peace, happened to be another story. Emet-Selch could not understand it, the mortality of it all to find moments such as these.  
  
The warmth of it all. In his chest, in Vojin's, and in their blood. How relaxed they were, hands intertwined and legs tied together in knots with the Ascian's, almost protecting him. The way Emet-Selch lulled himself to sleep each night in fear Vojin would vanish within any given moment. He had Vojin in this life. Thousands of lifetimes later, and he had them, reunited at last. They had no memory of it, no previous thoughts or feelings for him, and even now, where they could be at each other's necks at any moment, the Ascian yearned—_ it's not enough, it's not enough._  
  
And when Emet-Selch brings his hand to the Hrothgar's face, tracing their scars, then pressing his palm so that he tenderly cups the side of their cheek, Vojin opens their eyes, leaning into his hand, brow knit together in sadness.  
  
They whisper, "Why?" and the Ascian is silent. "What do you see in me that I do not?"  
  
Emet-Selch looks down, resting his head into his companion's chest. His thumb traces the grooves that make up the gashes on Vojin's face subconsciously. _These scars do not belong here,_ his heart stung with guilt.  
  
"What do I see?" He replies softly. He debates over giving a vague reply, and yet, his mind wanders.  
  
What _does_ he see?  
  
Past the thirteen fractals?  
  
Past the sundering?  
  
He recognizes an amaurotine, taller than him, but he knows them to be kind, gentle, never one to worry about themselves first and foremost. Yet he sees a vulnerable companion, shaking with a tempest of horror, rage, and grief. He glances around at a garden, known for its colorful plants and exquisite birds, and a small pond in which little iridescent creatures bit at insects from beneath the surface. But, he sees all of the colors blend to grays and dark blacks as heavy clouds and thunder rolled across the skies, the little creatures all gone into hiding. He sees ornate, clawed jewelry snaking across gentle hands as they paged through notes and research, dappled with small raindrops as they trembled ever so slightly. An intricate, crimson mask look up at him, tears rolling from beneath it. Hades stands there at the gate to the garden, wishing with all his heart that he could lack the eyes to gaze at his partner's expression in shame.  
  
"This is wrong." They sob out, and he knows. He carefully takes a seat next to them, pulling them into his arms, rubbing their back as he stares off into the wall in guilt. The amaurotine says nothing, their tremors cease, asleep with their arms wrapped around Hades as if it were the last time they'd ever hold him.  
  
A correct assumption to make, at any rate, for Emet-Selch sees them again, standing up tall, eyes in a furious blaze.  
  
Their robes were tattered, their mask gone, using their creation magicks in a blind fury to assail Hades without end with gigantic spikes augmented with the elements themselves. Hades, on the other hand, while in a monstrous form that towered yet over the amaurotine, did not fight back. He dodged consistently, using his own magicks to shield himself. The amaurotine took a spike in hand, sprinting towards him as if to plunge it into his body. Without thinking, Hades spun around with his colossal arms and knocked the amaurotine off their feet, cleaving a set of deep gashes into their face.  
  
With blood mixed in with the same, sad, tears, the amaurotine let out yet another heart-wrenching sob, limp against the ground.  
  
Pain, Hades felt.  
  
Tempered by his new God, yes, but filled with the same guilt, the same grief. Were that it could have been any other way.  
  
He approached the amaurotine sadly, gently lifting them up to face him. They allowed themselves to lean into his hand, tender, soft, the pain they harbored melting away, if only for a small moment. Their mismatched eyes remained wet and sad, and their lip trembled as they tried to force out some form of lament, met only with Hades shushing them softly, pressing his mask against the amaurotine's forehead.  
  
"Why must we needs be at odds like this, my love?" His voice echoed softly. "Do you not yearn for a world restored?"  
  
The amaurotine closed their eyes, wiping their face of blood and tears with their sleeve. It took them a moment, to calm down and think of a reply. Once they were ready, they looked up at Hades, behind his mask, gazing at golden eyes just as sorrowful as their own.  
  
"I would sooner wish for a world reborn, than one built of the lives of those we could have yet saved." Hades takes his smaller arms and cups the amaurotine's face, tracing their wounds softly. He lifts his mask and places a soft kiss on their forehead, and sets them on their feet.  
  
He doesn't stop his partner from taking their own life.  
  
He doesn't stop their followers from doing the same.  
  
He doesn't stop Hydaelyn from sundering the world into fractals, splitting the life force of each and every comrade he'd known and loved.  
  
He hopes that Zodiark's tempering will swallow him whole, so he never feels such guilt ever again. He wishes again with all his being that at least this way, he will return everything to as it was before. There would be no right or wrong, and all would be as it should, with his head in his partner's lap, reading books and research together in a peaceful garden.  
  
It's an outcome that is far, far too much to ask for. His guilt never ceased, and he can tell his partner has no intention of falling deeper into their companionship.  
  
So he answers honestly, "I see a past I cannot save, and a future that will never come." He whispers against Vojin's heartbeat. "And what do you see in me?"  
  
Vojin looks into Emet-Selch's eyes, searching and surveying them. Their arms, wrapped around him, tighten gently, pulling him in to kiss him softly above his third eye.  
  
"I see you, in the present. I don't understand what I was to you long ago, but right now, I see you." They whisper solemnly. "We may have been lovers in the past, and we may be enemies in the future. But you are with me right now, and that is enough."  
  
He closes his eyes and allows himself to drift off to sleep, but not without echoing his companion's words softly.  
  
_"That is enough."_

**Author's Note:**

> you ever think about how shadowbringers in its entirety is about different forms of love?? and I like to think emet selch's character is really important in this in the fact that he's loved before but he Never let go of that love and moved on so it all sort of festered in him because immortal beings have no concept of acceptance so he just constantly wants what he can't have back and the kindest fate for him was death because you show him finally that he needs to move on and imo he Knows this already. but he doesn't want to accept that either so he fights against it (see; hades fight) ANYWAYS POINT BEING. I wanted to capture him knowing this is the truth of it all even though I'm not the best at writing. I've been depressed and emo so I wrote this to make myself feel better t ake it


End file.
